Our stealthy investigation discovers how shadowy forces really plan to eliminate immigration to the US.
Anyone who follows Faux News knows that the socialist pinko libbie leftists in Congress are close to passing laws that will flood America with immigrants and push aside real Americans and our proud American traditions like St. Patrick's Day and pizza. Since our failed politicians have sold us out, real Americans have a new plan to fight this flood of people taking the jobs that we won't do anyway: Make 'em die faster!
The new plan is at risk now since one of the so-called "scientific research" companies that has been wasting our tax dollars for decades has figured out the key element of the plan.
Karen R. Florez, an associate social scientist at the non-profit research institute Rand Corporation, in Santa Monica, California writes in a new study that as soon as Mexican immigrants cross the border, they start to become less healthy. One of the key parts of the plot that was uncovered was to make 'em horribly fat. They found that the longer immigrants from Mexico, and their U.S.-born offspring, spend in the United States, the greater their odds of becoming obese. "We just couldn't believe the fact that we found roughly a threefold increase from the one extreme to the people on the other side." That's nearly double the proportion of men (17 percent) and women (14 percent) living in Mexico without any ties to the U.S. who were obese.
The un-American Florez (who likely has secret ties to the flood of immigrants judging by her name) uses these results to explain previous research that shows that Hispanics born abroad had a much lower risk of stroke than their counterparts who were either born or spent most of their lives in the U.S.
The only flaw in the plan is that red-blooded real Americans also die at faster rates and are a lot fatter than people who live just about anywhere else too. Real Americans are meeting at Micky D's over fries and hamburgers daily to discover a solution to that, but they all agree that if it helps to fight immigration, it's worth it.
Rats! And we thought we were keeping it a secret!
SOURCE: http://bit.ly/ZLXGeV Archives of Internal Medicine, online November 12, 2012.